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Purrfectly confusing: Cat behavior explained

Cats are well-loved for their adorable, cuddly, furry features. How can you not fall in love with a big ball of fluff who (occasionally) just wants to lie in bed with you? But what really makes cats so popular both on the Internet and in real life is their incredibly weird behavior, more so than their cuteness. Why in the world do cats do the things they do? It'd be easy to respond with a curt "no one knows," and that'd certainly add to their mystery, but lo and behold — there are answers out there! Let's explore some of the baffling things cats tend to do.
1. Sitting on your belongings
How rude! Cats are always picking the worst spots to take a nap — like your keyboard or your TV remote — and it happens with such alarming frequency you'd think they do it on purpose. As it turns out, they do. Odd But True's video (below) reveals that your felines can identify the household objects you give the most attention to. And while your computer screen is technically No. 1 on that list, the fact that you're touching the keyboard nonstop may lead to a little extra jealousy, which is why kitties take over those a lot. They just want your attention!
2. Peeing everywhere
Not Grandma's new quilt! Cats have the terrible tendency to pee — or heaven forbid, spray — on things, especially new objects that haven't been around for long. While you may be tempted to think the cat is marking its territory, like many other animals, the nasty kitty is actually doing it to relieve their anxiety: New objects that don't carry the feline's smell at all can make it feel uneasy, Purina says. Spreading its smell on these new things will ease their nerves. Interestingly, scratching your furniture is also a way to do that — the scent glands within cats' paws will help "take over" objects as well.
3. Rubbing their butt in your face
Among weird things cats do, this may just be the worst offender. Why in the world would a cat choose to wake you up with the scent of its pooper? Simply put, this is a way of getting to know you, Odd But True says. Because cats do this to each other, your cat expects you to be interested in the process as well. 
4. Kneading you like dough
It's pleasant, sure, but why do cats do it? Odd But True suggests cats tend to gently paw at you because it's something they remember doing as a kitten. Kneading the mother's breast will provide more milk while feeding. There's really not much of a point in them doing that as adults — but they do it anyway.
5. Spreading their legs for you
To all you readers with your mind in the gutter, no, this is not a proposition. Odd But True says cats tend to spread their legs out in front of you as a sign of trust, rather than irreverence or sexual heat. Because this is the most vulnerable position it could find itself in, for your pet to show you that part of its body so openly simply means it respects and trusts you. So don't betray that trust by taking pictures and posting them online! Or do. It is pretty funny.
6. Head-butting you
Ouch! Okay, don't milk it (Get it? Milk? Cats? Nevermind): Head-butts never hurt that much when they're coming from your cats. They may, however, be a little confusing. Why are they doing that? It turns out the proper term for cat-butting is "bunting," and it's, surprise surprise, a sign of affection, Pam Johnson-Bennett reveals. Cats have scent glands all over them, and the point of softly hitting you with their heads is for those scents to transfer onto you, which is a sign of affection. Wait, but isn't the transfer of scents a way of also marking their territory? ... Don't think about that too much.
The video below gives some explanations as to other strange things kitties do. Hopefully this answers some of your burning questions. Make sure to SHARE this information if it was enlightening!
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